My Final Week...

Tonight begins my final week in my parent's home. One week from tonight I will be preparing for the movers to show up. New Tuesday night will be my last night here. The move to Virginia has gone fast and furious. I think that it is best this way...I don't like it when things are long and drawn out. Of course...waiting to know what state I might be moving to was a long drawn out event...pure torture in my eyes. But now the time has come. It is strange. I have so many emotions inside me. I try not to think about it too much because I think I might cry. I am sad and scared and excited and happy all at the same time. It is strange to feel so many feelings all at once.

It isn't that I doubt my abilites to live on my own. I have done so successfully for many years now...but never so far away from my family. I am very close to my family...closer than most people are. Most people don't understand my relationship with my family because they themselves do not have a similar relationship. I think another large part of my emotions stems from the idea that when I leave here I will be beginning a life somewhere else for the frist time...something apart from my family...all mine...my adult life. I am not so sure that I am ready to be a complete adult yet. Being an adult brings on lots of responsibilities that I don't know if I really want to have. Of course...I suppose I have been an adult for many years now...maybe it is all just denial. LOL

Some of my friends feel that I need this break from my family to go out and become an individual...I question this. Family is part of my identity...just as teaching is. I don't want to be separate from my family. I mean...I don't want to live with mom and dad for my entire adult life...but I like having close family ties. When I mention this to people most think that I am just afraid to go out and be myself apart from my family. I am not afraid to be me...in fact I am me in spite of my family. I mentioned to my mom and dad one day this weekend that I think most of my family thinks I am wierd. My best friends are teaching their baby girl sign language. I think this is so awesome...I have seen it work and I had mentioned it to them when they first got pregnant. They said that they had already thought about this and planned on doing it. I read a book about cadavers. I love school and have two degrees and plan on getting more. I want to do crazy things like go diving with sharks and skydiving. I kind of enjoy being the family crazy...it keeps people wondering and gives them something to talk about. I wonder if people think my relationship with my family is constricting because they wish they had a close relationship with their own? Why are so many people so focused on getting away and being apart from their family? Are their families too controling or hard to get along with? I don't know...I guess there are many reasons...

In the last 7 months that I have lived and worked with my family on a daily basis I have learned alot of things. I think I have changed alot during the last 7 months. Even mom commented on this change. I have learned to not worry about what the family thinks. I can't change them and they can't change me. It all just sort of clicked one day and I suddenly realized that most things that upset me were totally pointless. Does it really matter if they think I am crazy for wanting to teach my future children to sign? What do I care if they don't want to read a book about cadavers? I am become so much more calm and at peace in the last 7 months that sometimes I scare myself. LOL

I am learning to be completely comfortable in my skin. I like having different view points. I like the fact that I am going to cry when my brother gets on the plane to come back to Texas. And that I will cry again when my mom and dad drive off from my apartment. I like that I will feel relief when my best friends arrive in Charlottesville. I am happy to be me...my emotional crazy self!

So...now I bein my final week...a week that is sure to be full of laughter and tears, stress and boxes, and many good memories!