Occasionally I might post something that is not so mundane. Tonight is one of those posts. I have started the habit of posting in the morning before I head off to school...but tonight's post feels important and it might take a while to write...
Today Carole, Britt, and I visited a church here in Charlottesville. It was a nice small church...the people were nice...but overall the church just isn't what we are looking for (mainly because there was no one there our age). That being said...God was speaking to me today in church. Let me begin by saying that I wasn't really paying very close attention. The pastor and many of the people of the church had just returned from Macedonia and a mission trip. This was probably not the best week for us to visit considering this was the focus of church today...we didn't even hear a "real" sermon. However, while I was reading over the program and thinking of other things my ears were suddenly opened to what was being said. In Macedonia they were there to teach English to the children, as well as spread the word of God. They were talking about how eager the children were to see them and to learn. They talked about how little there was in the school.
This jogged my memory back to a time when I was still in Waco for grad school. I was watching an Oprah special one night...about her time in Africa and giving gifts to all the children there. She of course talked about the schools and education in the small villages. It is definitely not adequate. As many as 100 children may crowd into a single room with one teacher to learn...to get an education...to get them out of the cycle of poverty and their small village.
Oprah said many things that night that have stuck with me. Most of which I have pushed to the back of my brain where I occasionally pull them out and think them over. One thing she said was that education in these small villages is crucial. The children want to learn...they will do anything to learn...because education is the only way out. How true, how true...education is the way out of many things for many children the world over.
Whoever was interviewing Oprah asked her why African children...why not poor American children. I thought this was a good question because I have thought the same thing many times. Her answer shocked and amazed me. She said because American children have opportunities simply because they were born here in the United States of America. The children in Africa...and other countries...are not so lucky and many are not provided with any opportunities ever. This has probably changed my outlook forever. She is so right...here in the United States we have public school...that every child is by law to attend. The schools work hard to get every child into a classroom. We hunt them down and drag them in if need be. There are all kinds of social programs...well fare, food stamps, and free lunch programs to name a few. While every school may not be equal...each child has the opportunity to learn to read and write...and find a way. Unfortunately this is not so in other countries. They do not have the programs or the government that we do. For all of its faults the United States provides of with so many freedoms and opportunities that they cannot even be counted.
While watching the program I was filled with an overpowering urge to go and teach in Africa. I wanted to go...and help...and provide an opportunity to some children who desperately need and want such opportunities. However, I pushed it to the back of my mind...it was crazy to think about moving a world away to teach in a place where I don't even know the language. It was such a crazy idea that I didn't tell anyone about it...I mean...I may have mentioned it in passing to some...but my heartfelt desire was kept deep inside...just for me...to mull it over.
Then today...it all came back. Is it so crazy to think about going a world away to teach? Maybe not Africa...but anywhere...
I am not so sure that it is so crazy anymore. I don't know what will come of this strange desire inside of me...but it is there none the less. In the Christian faith people often talk about going out to spread the Word of God...to minister...and I have always maintained that ministry is not for me. I believed my ministry is my life...how I live...how I treat the people I meet...but I also believe that God gave me a gift...the gift to teach...maybe my ministry is to go and teach...teach where someone really needs it.
Now I know what is already going through the minds of some people reading this..."there are plenty of children who need love and support and teaching right here in the U.S. " and yes...they are right...but I think it all comes back to the idea of wanting to provide an opportunity to someone who might otherwise not have that opportunity. I know that many people will not understand this part of me....they will think that this is just part of my weird self that they don't really get. I am utterly convinced that most of my family thinks I am very strange indeed. Most don't get why I moved to Virginia...or how I could even do it. Sometimes I am not so sure myself...except that I wanted the experience. And even Carole, who loves me dearly and supports me in most of the things that I decide to do...she may even question this...of course she will support me...but will even she understand this deep desire in me? Of course...I am not sure that I even understand this deep desire in me. All I know is that it is still in the back of my brain...for me to think about and ponder...and maybe...when I am least expecting it...it will all fall into place and make sense. Right now I pray...and God has obviously planted this seed...because it is nothing that I would have normally come up with on my own...and not only has he planted the seed...but he has also brought it into the front my thinking for the second time today.
So for now these thoughts sit in my head...waiting...they are my private thoughts...thoughts I don't share with anyone. Well...I guess until tonight...since these thoughts are now on the World Wide Web...LOL Sometimes I am shocked when I think about myself...I have changed so much in the last year that I hardly recognize myself...it feels good and scary and happy and sad all at the same time.
School starts this week...Thursday. I am getting nervous. It is a good nervous. I am ready. I am missing home more now...or at least I am noticing it more now. I made my flight plans for Christmas yesterday...Christmas...it seems so far away. It is hard to think that when I go home for Christmas I will have been gone for 5 months...that is a long time. Of course...if I was living in Africa it would be even longer...LOL (so see mom...it could be worse) :)
It is time for bed now. Even though the church we visited today will not become my church home I am glad for the experience. It felt good to be back inside a church....like I was coming home after a long trip. I look forward to finding a church in which I belong...
I look out at my future and I wonder...what exactly does God have in store for me!