Stair Climber Hell

Whoever invented the stair climber should be found and tortured. I figure it is fair because this device of rotating stairs is pure torture. For those who are not familiar with this device from hell...it is basically like an esclator that goes no where...you just climb and climb...never getting anywhere. Of course...you walk on a treadmill and never get anywhere and I guess the same goes with the bikes found at the gym. However...climbing endless moving stairs is worse.

My trainer insists that it is great for me. I think he like to torture me too. I am up to 15 minutes of endless climbing. This doesn't seem long...but it is an eternity. By the time my 15 minutes are up I am dripping in sweat and my legs have a nice burn. Once again...I think that anything is torturous should have instant results. But alas...no...all that climbing will only produce results over time...but I think I better have a killer ass and awesome legs for all this pain!

No Pain...No Gain

I love my gym. It is the largest and most awesome gym I have ever seen or been a member of. I love going. I usually go 4-7 times a week and do an hour of cardio. Why an hour??? Mainly because it seems like such a waster to go...change clothes...and only stay for 30 minutes. Of course...I also loose track of time and it feels great to be working out for an hour. Monday I started personal training with a trainer. I wanted to start working out with weights but I don't want to get hurt...and I know nothing about which exercises I should do. Monday was a disaster. I meet with him during lunch hour and so I hadn't eaten alot or had much water at that point during the day. I got there early...did 45 minutes on the treadmill...and then started weights with the trainer. We were on our third exercise...which just happened to be squats...when I started feeling bad. After I finished my sets of squats I knew I was in bad shape...I started "whiting" out and was having severe trouble focusing...I have passed out many times and knew I was dangerously close to hitting the floor. My poor trainer...our first session and I almost passed out. Of course...It was all my fault...not getting enough food and water.

Still...I was very sore from the squats on Tuesday. My next session was on Wednesday. I modified my eating and drinking so Wednesday went perfectly. Of course...I am sore from the neck down...after I have been sitting awhile it is hard to get going again...LOL. We did ab crunches using an exercise ball...I have never had crunches mack me so sore! All of this is to say that the saying "No Pain...No Gain" is so true. Of course...it is frustrating in one respect. Those who know me know that I struggle with patience sometimes...and this would be one of those times. I feel like...if I am going to hurt this much then I should be able to see some instant results!!!! Of course...the results are not instant so I will keep working towards my goals.

I love my gym!!!!

Solace in Music

It seems that when things aren't good I can always find solace in music. Every song seems to have meaning and in some strange way I find some comfort. I guess music has always been a comfort for me...I have always had music in my life. I have been feeling empty lately...I have moved beyond sadness. Emptiness become indifference. Indifference is the worst place to be. I think indifference is worse than sadness and anger. So in my indifference I listen to music...I forget my worries and my troubles...I loose myself. I wonder when I will find myself?

New Year....2005

Hello all. I don't know if anyone even checks my blog as I haven't written in so long. So many things have happened. On December 1st I resigned from my job in Virginia. Then...a few short days later on December 9th I packed up and moved back to Texas. So...here I am...back in Texas...living at home.

It has been a huge adjustment. I left my best friends back in Virginia and I am going to miss them terribly. And...I left the man I love back there also. I have struggled with so many emotions. And now...I am empty. This holiday season was nothing to me. I didn't even celebrate the new year...I was in bed before 10pm. But I guess some years are just going to be that way.

Good things have happened though. The main one is my committment to the gym. I have lost alot of weight and I am so excited to continue the work. It is my outlet...and for once in my life I am choosing a good outlet for my feelings.

So...here we are at the beginning of a new year. This year marks my 10 year high school reunion. It is hard to think that I have been out of high school for 10 years. I thought I would be in such a different place 10 years after graduating.

Well...I guess this is all I have to say for now. Happy New Year!