Autumnal Equinox

My favorite day of the year. The Autumnal Equinox heralds the arrival of autumn...fall. This is when I miss Virginia the most. When it is starting cool down and the leaves will soon begin to change. All I have here in Texas is record high heat and the threat of hurricane winds for the weekend. CRAZY

But back to autumn. I love it...or the idea of it. We don't really have autumn in Texas yet...not really until late October. But that is okay...there is still the promise of cooler weather...and maybe if we are really lucky we will have a few trees turn a blazing red or orange.

I start to wear autumn clothes too...sweaters and darker colors. Sure it is still hot...but I don't care. My dream was to get married in the fall. But I am marrying an athletic trainer which is like marrying a footbal coach. Fall is off-limits for anything but football games...oh well.

Tomorrow I will teach about my favorite day. What it means scientifically. We will wrestle with the word Autumnal. A hard word even if you aren't in 7th grade!

Well...of to grade papers. It is the final week of the six weeks. Happy Autumnal Equinox!

Mind Exhaustion

Have you ever reached the point where you have total mind exhaustion?

I am there. I realized it this afternoon as I sat down to grade a stack of quizzes. We have been studying physics this first six weeks. A heavy subject for the start of the year. And we only have 5 weeks to teach it. They graciously allow us one week at the start of the year to review (mmm...teach) scienctific method, lab safety, lab equipment, and metrics. Now the idea is that the kids learned it in 6th grade...and since I teach a class of 6th grade I will tell you that we have one week to "TEACH" all of that...so they don't really learn it. So anyway...the idea is that in 7th grade we just quick review.

That is a joke. Does anyone remember the 1st week of a new school year. How much work did you really do. A better question...how much work did you WANT to do. Exactly.

Anyway...that isn't what my exhaustion is about...well...maybe a little as I think that physics is too hard and too important to begin the year. When I questioned I was placated with "Oh...well the kids are so excited and ready to work at the first of the year." And which middle school kids would they be referring to? Not mine.

Anyway...as I sat to write grades on the quizzes I became unsettled. We have been going over simple machines. We took a quiz using a great simple machine website that is on our online curriculum. Then we switched papers and graded. As we went over each part the majority of my kids loudly and confidently shouted out CORRECT answers. I was thrilled...finally something had stuck in their heads. But then I sat down to write grades. There were 11 answers...so a little less than 10 points apiece. Most of them had missed 5 or more...WHAT??!?!?! But it sure didn't sound like they had missed that many. So I hastily flipped through more papers...it was all the same. My happiness was deflated faster than a popped balloon. I just put down my pen and walked out of the building.

I am mentally exhausted from trying to get through too much curriculum in too little time. It is not a new problem...but it seems so much more magnified by these stupid TAKS assessments the district makes us give. Yes the are important...but there is no forgiveness on time...the message is clear. Get through the material...the tons and tons of material...giving notes, doing labs, and daily work...but don't spend too much time on any one thing because you must move forward because we have a TEST.

CRAZY

Now...physics isn't my strongest area of science. Honestly I am much more into rocks and plate tectonics...but I still know what I am doing. But I realized this afternoon just how hard I have been pushing me and my students.

I was supposed to give the district benchmark tomorrow. Well...I am not. My kids need a day to decompress and so do I. We are going to watch this great video on the physics of roller coasters. It brings together everything I have been cramming into them for 5 weeks. They will be thrilled when they don't have a test. And I feel better too.

I feel like I need to regroup and start again on Monday. Finish this unit...realize that I didn't do that great...and move on to the next unit to try again.

So thank goodness for Movie Days. And the best part is that it isn't just some random movie...no...it is an educational video that they will love because the other 7th grade class watched it and loved it.

Mind exhaustion...I think it may just be worse than physical exhaustion.

Do you ever feel....

Do you ever feel the world is just too much?

I see a friend struggle with the passing of her nephew of 2 years...while at the same time she is DAYS away from having her own beautiful boy.

I see young children entering my class as New Orelean's refugees. They have nothing. And yet they are making friends and smiling through their pain. I see normally judgemental kids opening their hearts and befriending these kids.

I listen as my best friend struggles to find a "right" time to get pregnant again. And as she reads me pages from a book about women's health and how we need to go with our emotions and cleanse ourselves...but when? She has a baby to take raise and I have kids to teach so when do we cleanse?

I watch my fiance struggle with his new job that I urged him to take. And now he is thinking of giving up his career all together...

And then there is other stuff...stuff I won't write on here because of people who might read it.

But it all swirls around...round and round and round....the lines get blurred...where do you start and how do you cleanse and what do you think....

And yet I have come so far...no more medicine to keep me balanced...I let it go...or try to let it go anyway. I am proud that I don't get depressed even though things seem so crazy all around me. I pray daily...for me...for nathan...for my family...for all the random people and badness that swirls around me...

Do you ever feel that maybe there is much more goodness in the world...like babies being born and dreamed of...of women in love picking out dresses and planning a future...of kids opening their hearts...things we never hear on the news...things that make the world good.

surgery update

My Great Grandmother had her surgery on Wednesday. I had meet the teacher on Thursday and yesterday I was sick with a migraine. So here it is Saturday and I have an update.

Things went great. It was much worse than we had anticipated in regards to the cancer itself. On her face it looked big and bad but once they started mom said the doctor said it was much more extensive and worse. It had spread into much of her cheek facial tissue, into her salvitory glands, and into much of the muscle. NOT a good thing. The doctor told my mom (who was in charge) that if she had waiting any longer it would have gone all the way through and there would have been little that could be done.

So after the surgery at one place they had to take her to plano to get repaired by a plastic surgon. Crazy I know. He was shocked. She had told him over the phone it was about the size of a nickel. He told her dryly..."Well...it is bigger than a nickel." They put her under...but just a little way under. They didn't want her too far under...probably because of the fact that she is 96. Anyway...it was going to be a more extensive reconstruction than planned so she needed to be out. He cut behind her ear and brought the skin up over her face to cover the hole. Then bandaged her up.

Of her own choice ruthie decided to stay the night at a hospital. We were all shocked but very very happy. Someone would be there to help her and knew what was normal and not normal. Mom didn't even have to stay. She and dad went back to get her the next day to take her to the plastic surgon so he could look her over. He was very pleased. He used some kind of new technique they are trying out and he is doing a study on. Every where he could he glued her back together. And everywhere he used the glue there was no swelling...the places where he did have to use stiches there was some swelling. But overall things were better than expected.

At one point Ruthie was very upset with how she looked. She had expected it to be removed and then instantly she would look back to normal. LOL. Anyway...at one point she looked at mom and said..."I guess this was much worse than I thought." Mom just said yes.

So Ruthie is recovering at home. She still has some swelling but other than that is doing well. She doesn't have much pain. However back in like the 30's or 40's she had had bell's palsey on that side of her face. We think that the nerve damage has helped control the pain for this. So that is good. Mom is on her to take her antibiotics and pain pills (she does have some swelling and pain in her neck...but they did alot more cutting than we thought!). She isn't one to listen or to just rest and let her body heal. Oh NO...she has to do stuff...her thought is that if she doesn't she will die. We tell her that it is silly...but she doesn't listen...and honestly her constant going is probably what keeps her so young.

So I am sure that recovery is going to be almost worse than the buildup to surgery...but within a week the swelling should be gone, she gets her stiches out, and the bruising should be almost gone too...and then she will be back to normal and will forget the whole ordeal....so all in all...we have success!!!!

surgery...on a 96 year old woman

Tomorrow my great grandmother has surgery to remove a HUGE basal cell skin cancer on her cheek. She has had it for years and years and has known for years and years that it is indeed cancer. However she decided she didn't like the dermetologist and so decided to ignore it.

Warning...some graphic information is about to follow.

So...withing the last 6 months or so it has taken to bleeding uncontrolably for long periods of time. For awhile she still refused to wear something over it to keep it covered. Gross beyond belief and thank goodness some sense finally kicked in.

So no one really wanted to take her to the new dermotologist that I go to. It was summer so I said I would. The main reason no one wants to take her is because she wants things done her way and complains loudly if it isn't. The other reason is because she wants it done...she wants it done now...and she doesn't want to have any recovery. (LOL OKAY). Another side reason is that she just isn't always very pleasant to be around and usually when we tell her what to do to fix the problem she ignores us anyway.

Now let me explain a little about my great grandmother. She is 96. She still works 4 days a week...full days i might add. She still drives (not at night anymore thank God for that one). And she still lives at home and takes care of herself. For the most part you would NEVER realize this woman was 4 years shy of 100. I don't begrudge her any of this. Honestly most people are wowed by her including me. However, she doesn't see it this way. All she sees is that she can't walk as fast or as long as she did 50 years ago. Last time she did this we were at the doctor's office and I told her that she needed to quit complaining about what she didn't have and spend some time thanking God for what she does. Most people...if they are alive at 96 sure aren't doing what she does. She just rolled her eyes at me. That pissed me off. A big reason I get tired of being with her.

Anyway...she wants them to just cut it off and for her to be instantly fixed. For the most part she will be...she just has to wait for the MASSIVE HOLE in her cheek to heal. She thinks they should just be able to slice a piece of her thigh off and fill in the missing piece. OMG...to begin with that would be talking major surgery which she REFUSES to have. Not to mention the fact that her skin is thin thin thin and that would never work...she would have two slowly healing wounds instead of one.

These people doing the surgery tomorrow have no idea what they are in for. She refuses to go to a hospital or to be "put under". I don't blame her on the being "put under" thing. I don't relish that idea either. She thinks she will never wake up if they do put her under...which is always a concern. Instead they are giving her this medicine that I had when I had my colonoscopy. You are awake and completely coherent but you don't remember any of it. That is the best drug around. I wish I could have it every time I went to the dentist. Can you imagine KNOWING that they were cutting on your face for up to 8 hours? Holy Crap.

Thank goodness this is only supposed to take one day. For her, for my mom, my aunt, and for the rest of the family we couldn't take it if it was going to take longer. Tonight she called my mom asking if maybe there was another option we could persue. Mom told her no. And there isn't. Either she gets it cut off or it will stay there and continue to gross out the whole family.

So anyway....as you go through your day tomorrow...if you spare a moment pray for my mom. She will need it as she is the one in charge of this. If they had let me start earlier this year I could have dealt with it all and it would be over.

Oh yeah...the reason I was put in charge. I was the only one who would just do it. I ask questions...tons and tons of questions. I am blunt and I don't care if my great grandmother gets mad at me. The way I see it....she will get over it. And besides....she wants us to fix the problem so she WILL do what we tell her and what the doctors tell her....other wise it is a waste of my time, her time, and everyone else's time.

Okay...almost 10pm. Time for bed!

The ending of a wonderful 3 day weekend

Well...here we are at the end of Labor Day. I can't even remember what I was doing this time last year...all I know is that I was in Virginia...that school had started and that I was MISERABLE.

Things are a little better this year but I think that I am stressing way too much...so after much thought this is what I plan on doing.

#1 (and most important) I am not going to bring work home. I go early and stay late and if I can't get it done then it will be there to do the next day.

#2 I am going to accept that I cannot do it all....that I am not perfect...and that my kids will learn despite these things. (some of you are laughing...but I have to state it...it is one of those things I learned in my many sessions with a counselor)

#3 I am not going to do any work on the weekend. I mean...one day when I have my own babies I am not going to be doing school work on the weekend so I might as well not do it now!

#4 I am just going to start being mean. My 4th period had me almost in tears of anger on Friday and that is ridiculous. I mean...I am the adult in this situation. So...if I have to be the teacher they hate then oh well...I have to teach them things and they have to learn...period.

#5 I am going to let it all go. When I am not at school I am not at schoole and I am not going to let it dominate my thoughts. I have a wonderful fiance and I want to enjoy every moment with him...and I don't want to take out my stress from school on him...so I am just going to check it at the door to my class every day.

Now...those of you who REALLY know me will know that most of these are very loft dreams. But I plan to start putting them into practice tomorrow. I think that even if I do these things I can still be a great teacher. I love teaching and at one point teaching was MY LIFE. But now Nathan is my life and he is much more important. Teaching must come second now...and in the near future it will be become third. (Not too near for those of you wondering...we are planning to start our family next summer in August or September.) (And now for those of you thinking "Wow! That is soon after the wedding." Well...since my whole family knows and at least my mom, dad and brother accept it...Nathan and I already live together (BIG SCANDLE)...so we are having our "us time" now.)

So...here I sit...it is 9:25pm on Monday night. I really wish we had a few more days off...but the weekend always goes by fast! We bought some more new sheets today...a pretty toupe for fall. Linens and Things was having a sale and I had 20% off one item coupon and a 10% of the entire purchase coupon so Nathan agreed I could by the sheets and a new down comfortor. The comfortor was the wrong size...I needed a King and the stupid man pulled down a twin saying that it was a King and then stupid me didn't bother to check. Don't even ask how pissed I was when I pulled it out and it would only cover a tiny part of the bed. Oh well...it just means a trip back to the store in Mesquite. Joy. But the sheets are nice.

We did our weekly Walmart trip saving over $8 in coupons this week. I wanted a Smoothie King Smoothie more than anything....but they were closed so then I was even more unhappy. I told Nathan it was his fault because yesterday I said I wanted one and he has this bad habit of sometimes (alot of the times) ignoring me...so I didn't get one yesterday and I didn't get one today and I have a HUGE craving. I told him that I never so no to him (meaning we always go where he wants when he wants) and yet he ignores what I want when I want it....I pointed this out and he agreed that that has happened on several occasions so he promised to pay more attention...I was satisfied.

Well...I should get to bed. Tomorrow morning will be here very very early. But...on the upside...only a 4 day week!!!!

Oh...and Brandy....I hope you go into labor soon...I know you are sooooooooooo ready!!! I have you in my thoughts and prayers!