Moments of Knowing

We have all had moments when we suddenly feel or know something more clearly than ever before.

Most of the times I think we feel this in regards to people. Like...the moment when you realize that you can't imagine life without your husband, or fiance, or wife. Or maybe it is the moment when you realize you really can't sit on the floor for hours without being stiff when you get up. I somehow don't think I am explaining the depth of my post tonight.

Let me try with my story....specific details will be left out because it pertains to my career...but you will get the idea.

This last week we were giving the TAKS test. The high-stakes state mandated test. It causes stress to everyone who comes in contact with it. You are fearful...did I do it right...did I say exactly what I was supposed to and nothing more...did I do it wrong? And that is just the teacher side of the story. You see...if you really mess up the TAKS test...the state of Texas can revoke your teaching license. For kids...the test is just as stressful...but as I am a teacher and not a student...I am not going to focus on their side of the story.

Well...events happened during the test and now there will probably be a state investigation or at least an inquiry. The why isn't really important here....but when they start talking about statements and investigations you get nervous.

Did I mess up so bad that the state will take away my teaching certificate? Will I be banned from my passion for the rest of my life? And....if they do...what in the world will I do now? Of course...these questions are complete over-reactions...but they still fly through your brain at about a million miles per second.

It was then that I had my "Moment of Knowing"....I might complain about my job sometimes...and somedays I may even dread going and facing my students....and there are times when other unpleasant thoughts creep into the fringes of my conscious thought....BUT...if I truely could not teach. If someone or something took that away from me...part of me would be lost. It was such a profound moment. I have always known that I am a teacher...well...I have known since Kindergarten anyway. But I never realized how much a part of me it is....and if that part was removed how deeply hurt I would be.

I cried...cried hard...the cry of true grief at the thought of not doing what I love. It was like for just an instant I was able to see and feel my life if teaching was ripped from me...it was as startling and profound as loosing a loved one. I knew...knew that I am a teacher to the core and that not being a teacher would make me...not me.

Then I recovered. I have my job. No one is going to take it from me. And even if I leave it for a short while to have children, I will return to it one day. And it won't be like I had left it...just had a change in audience. Instead of teaching someone else's baby...I will teach my own!

Moments of knowing don't happen often...but when they do...it changes everything.

Painting...

...is a pain in the butt...

First Mow

Tonight we had another first in our home. Dad dropped off the newly sharpened mower. It is their mower...but as they have over an acre to mow...Dad won't be pushing it.

Of course...no one thought of needing gas...or something to carry the gas in. So off to Walmart we went. A one gallon red gas can, large leaf rake, and edger/weed eater later...we were on our way home...after a quick stop to the walmart gas station for the much needed gas.

After 15 minutes of trying to figure out how the blasted gas can worked (you have to pull back on the spout and the gas pours out...let it go and the gas stops) we were finally ready to go.

Only the back yard was getting mowed this evening. It was 8:00pm when Nathan started...which means the sun had set and we only had mediocre light. As I am writing this it is 8:25 and Nathan has been done for at least 10 minutes. So as you can see...the backyard only takes about 15 or so minutes to mow. AWESOME!!! Even I could handle 15 minutes of mowing! So then I raked up the cuttings. Our backyard grass was probably 6 inches deep...while the front yard isn't even and inch deep...oh well...the mysteries of grass growing are beyond me!

Now Nathan is unboxing and trying to figure out the edger/weed eater....it has to charge. It will wait for its maiden use this weekend.

I hate yard work...but something about owning your own home makes you want to do stuff...flowers are planted...a new tree was installed...and now the mowing and maintenance! I LOVE THIS STUFF!!! If you know me you will know just how funny that statement is!

Sequestered

Let me take you to a special place. I would say close your eyes...but then you couldn't read...so...oh well...

Imagine a room...a fairly large room. Now imagine the rows of desks...the name plates...the pencils and erasers...and the test booklets...safely locked in a cabinet....so no one steals them...(side note...who in the world would actually WANT to steal a TAKS booklet? Not me...but I guess there are those who find the TAKS test compelling reading!)

Anyway...back to our imagining...

The bell rings...21 7th graders begin to arrive. They find their seats and resignedly sit down. The bell rings...I enter...pass out the granola bars (breakfast) to my waiting testers. No one is overly excited. They look tired...I probably look just as tired. We have been working towards this day all year. The FIRST day of TAKS.

We are sequestered. Sequestered for 7 long hours of testing. We stay in our testing room all day so that the kids won't rush. NO RUSHING! We are going to be here all day. They have heard those two statements for two weeks now. Of course...by test rules I can't say anything to encourage them to work or recheck answers. I can only answer questions about the test instructions...instructions they have probably memorized by this point.

So we begin...our long...long...long day. At the end of the day I still had 3 testing...so I escorted them off to the library to continue testing after hours. The TAKS is untimed and they have as long as they need...not to exceed a 24 hour period. Some kids could probably stretch the test out for a week if we let them.

Tomorrow is more of the same...the READING test.

It is hard for 12 year olds to sit all day...without talking...heck...it is hard for a 28 year old teacher to sit all day. Periodically strolling the isles to make sure they aren't text messaging answers to some other kid in school or secretly using the cell phone as a calculator does very little to keep you from a complete comatose state.

I feel bad for my kids. Most are stressed and worried about the test. If they don't pass...summer school. I will be glad when this week is over. Maybe we can actually have fun in school again...

Addressing Begins...

At the moment I have 100 invitations to address. I say...at the moment...because it seems like people are constatly being added to the list. But I ordered 150 invitations I think...which is tons more than I need...but I would much rather have extras than to not be able to send someone and invitation.

I picked up the maps from Chrissie today...the last piece of the invitations. So I was able to go to the post office and buy stamps. They have a wonderful wedding package...someone was thinking here. She weighed my invitation and then told me about the deal. You can get a sheet of 20 stamps...63 cent stamps for the outer envelopes and 39 cents for the reception reply envelopes all together. How smart is that! I bought 100 stamps...I have 100 invitations to send out...but I know at least a couple of names are missing from the list.

I have addressed 20 envelopes today...tonight I will put the 20 together...showing Nathan the order and how it works. Then he will help me! So...I am 1/5 complete. I don't know what perecentage that is...as I don't remember my math to find out! It doesn't matter.

Bridal Portraits

(This blog is a few days late...but I have been BUSY!!!)

What a production!

It all started this morning at 4:45...I got up and took a shower.

No conditioner in my hair and before I dried it...plenty of mousse. Two departures from my normal routine.

Mom arrived at 5:45am. We drove to Elan studios on Greenville Ave. in Dallas for hair and makeup. My appointment was for 6:30 -8:30. It took almost 40 minutes for her to roll my hair. Then we did makeup and finished with styling. 2 hours and 10 minutes later we were off to the Dallas arboretum.

The photographer wasn't going to be at the Arboretum until 10:00...it was 8:40...I was hungry. So mom and I headed to McDonald's for breakfast...of course I decided it was probably best to hit the restroom before I got in my dress....as once I am in it...going to the bathroom would be a near impossible event! So here I am...100x's more makeup than I EVER where and a veil in my hair walking into McDonald's. I got lots of looks...I mean...how often does a person walk into McDonald's with a viel in and obviously ready for either a wedding or pictures? It was fun though!

I had to cut my Egg McMuffin in order to not mess up my makeup. Then around 9:30 Dad through up the blankets for my makeshift dressing room in the parking lot and mom and Chrissie (my wedding coordinator) proceded to help me get dressed.

The pictures themselves were tedious...tons of comands to twist my body into beautiful poses. Standing and waiting for people to move or the sun to move...smile, don't smile, big smile, little smile....look down, look up, gaze at that tree over there...look at your dad or mom or Gerry...don't laugh even though mom and dad are laughing...don't cry when mom tears up....drop your left shoulder...drop it more but don't tilt your body...

But it was so much fun! I remember a torterous trip to the arboretum as a child and in one garden I saw a bride sitting in the grass, surrounded by green, getting her portraits taken. The site transfixed me. I stood far away and watched....I wanted to be that bride. I dreamed of my time to get my pictures taken. And finally it all came true...it was ME and about 10 other brides...fullfilling dreams on a warm Sunday morning.

I can't wait to see the pictures. They should be online by Thursday night. I can't wait for Nathan to see me in June. I felt so beautiful...I am plain...nothing overly fancy or spectacular. I think I am pretty but Sunday I was beautiful...stunning...I have never in my life felt so good about myself. Everything was wonderful. And I know it showed in my smile and face and I can't wait for Nathan to see that...not that he doesn't already think I am beautiful...like he reminded me Sunday night!

Only 2 months...and 5 days....invitations go out at the end of this month...lol...haven't started that yet....but I have a 3-day weekend this weekend to work on it! We are getting closer...closer to the most wonderful moment in my life.

Engagement Shots

At LAST!

We have finally taken our engagement pictures. We kept putting it off and putting it off...If we had waited too much longer they wouldn't have been engagement shots!

We took them at Fountain Place in downtown where Nathan proposed. There was a big hassel and we had to have contracts and send money...but in the end it was SO worth it.

I can't wait to see them...and I don't have to wait too long. By Thursday this week our photographer will have them up online! So exciting!!!

Return of the 80's

They say that fashion cycles. Today I saw a HUGE 80's fashion.

We went to the Firewheel mall to get me some new jeans and Nathan a new black sweater for our engagement shots tomorrow. As we were strolling along...well...Nathan was strolling and I was hobbling...something is wrong with my foot/ankle and it is impeding my walk...

Anyway...not the point.

Of course the best part of shopping is watching the people and looking in the windows. We passed a store and I couldn't believe what I saw. A mini skirt with leggings underneath! How more 80's can you get? I never really cared for that style...nor do I really "get" what is so cool about it. I was thinking that surely no one would actually wear that....

Then as we were leaving Dillards...I SAW a preteen girl wearing a similar outfit.

Here come the 80's...I wonder if leg warmers, slouch socks, and shirts that hang completely off one shoulder will come back too...or even better...men in deck shoes with no socks....