Thinking back...

Last year at this time I was still living in Virginia. I was getting ready to begin my last month in Virginia.

Sometimes it is hard to believe just how much things can change in one short year. I was miserable this time last year. I was dating someone who I should have let go when he expressed his wishes to date other people. I had a job that I despised. And overall I was probably at the most unhappiest moment in my life.

But now...365 days later...I am engaged to be married this coming summer. I enjoy most of my job (the kids and such). I am back in Texas. And I am probably happier now than I have been in a very very long time.

But you know...last year at this time I never could have imagined this. I never thought I would be happy again. I doubted God had a plan for me. And my family and friends...as well intentioned as they might be...didn't help by constantly telling me that everything always works out you just have to take it day by day.

And now it has all worked out. I have everything I have always dreamed of and more. Well...minus the house and babies...but they are in the future. :)

Looking back helps me to keep my prospective on my present. I don't tie myself to the past like I used to...I simply look at it and remember...and give thanks for the path that God had worked out for me. Looking back helps me remember that even if I can't imagine God's plan...there is a plan...and it is more wonderful that my best daydreams.

Looking back also helps me to slow down now. I want a house so very very badly. I am tired of apartment living. I am tired of throwing away over $1000 a month to live in a place that will never give back to me. I want to paint and decorate and put a pumpkin on my porch and make something mine...ours...the beginning of our family. But as house after house falls through...as nothing seems to work out and I get frustrated beyond reason...I have to remember to look back. God had a plan for me in Virginia...I didn't know what that plan was and at times I didn't trust there was a plan. But there was! And now...even as I struggle at why I can't have my dream house RIGHT NOW!...I realize there is a plan. And the plan will be realized when the moment is right. It doesn't make my apartment frustration any better...but it does soothe the ache in some strange way.

It seems that we always want the NEXT thing...and then when we get the next thing we long for the way it used to be. I can't WAIT to be married. To have a house. To be pregnant. To have our first precious baby. But...I feel myself rushing it. Getting bored with what I have and wanting more. I have done that over and over in my life and I always wish for the time back that I spent wanting the next step. So maybe this is another lesson and "looking back" can provide for me. Having a house means MUCH more upkeep than an apartment...which means less time to cross stitch and piddle around doing unimportant things...so...I search for my patience and hope that in my biggest moments of frustration I can remember my past and be happy with my present!