Coping

Some days life reaches out and grabs you down...mostly unexpected or maybe expected...but still a shock to the system regardless.

On those days...you find a way to cope.

We all cope differently. We pray, call a friend, cry, loose yourself in some project or work that needs to be done. At age 28 I finally realize how I cope the best...I seek knowledge.

I was just taking my nightly bath where I typically sit and read some magazine...usually Real Simple which is my favorite. I flipped through it without really seeing...today was one of those days when life grabs you down. I won't go in to details as it isn't really necessary or even the focus of this blog...but sufice it to say that today was long and full of mental worries. So back to my bath...I realized I wasn't really reading and my mind drifted back to a review of my day. I thought it all over and realized that my actions today were my way of coping with a problem.

This made me think back....

I think the first time that I coped with a stress by gaining knowledge was when I was in elementary school. I was so very fearful of tornadoes...anytime it would storm I was worried that a tornado was zooming its way toward me. The fear was intense and made me feel silly the next morning when the sun was shining brightly. Then I remember coming across the book...The Night of the Twisters. I remember vaguely that mom wasn't happy that I chose to check the book out of the school library. She thought it would make my fear worse. But I was drawn tot he book. And while I cannot say it was that educational of a book it calmed my fears. From the moment I finished that book I was never afraid again. (Until when I was living in Irving and the police broke in on the TV and told us to take cover immediately. I freaked...but nothing happened...of course that was my first real scare!)

But the more I think about this coping mechanism the more I think I begin to understand myself. Knowledge calms me down...I read and search and try to find answers. I feel empowered. It doesn't necessarily dimish my worry but I do find peace in learning. Of course...it does make sense...I have 2 degrees and I teach school...both completely focused on the whole concept of knowledge as power kind of thing.

I have other coping mechanisms too...I guess it just really depends on the situation...but in almost all instance at some point during the time of stress or crisis I find myself yearning to learn something.

Once that need is fulfilled I can more fully relax and move on to other coping mechanisms that calm me even more...like...praying or listening to music...or blogging.

It is amazing to me how I continue to learn so much about myself. Sometimes I think that people think my ways are strange or that they don't make sense...to those people I would love for them to try and understand me...we are all so different and have such different needs.

It feels good to know how I work...to know that if I fill my immediate coping needs first then I can move on to more common ways of coping.

Back to today...I did learn alot today. I cannot say that all of it was comforting in a normal sense of comfort...it is hard to explain. But searching out answers aloud me to put my mind to use and to learn...then I moved on to prayer and hymns...because my mind was calm and all the questions answered...Maybe that is what seaking knowledge does for me...it allows me to silence the millions of questions in my mind. Once my mind is silent I am free to move forward.

Today's main source of secondary comfort came from one of my favorite childhood hymns...In Heavenly Love Abiding

In heavenly Love abiding,
No change my heart shal fear,
And safe is such confiding,
For nothing changes here,
The storm my roar without me,
My heart may low be laid,
But God is round about me,
And can I be dismayed?

Wherever He may guide me,
No want shall turn me back;
My Shepherd is beside me,
And nothing can I lack.
His wisdom ever waketh,
His sight is never dim,--
He knows the way He taketh,
And I will walk with Him.

Green pastures are before me,
Which yet I have not seen;
Bright skies will soon be o'er me,
Where darkest clouds have been.
My hope I cannot measure,
My path to life is free,
My Savior has my treasure,
And he will walk with me.

May we all find our best way to cope.