Goodbye

Today was Ruthie's memorial service. It was a day filled with emotion and tears. It was good. The service was wonderful and just what she would have wanted.

I learned new things...She was placed in the wall and I always wondered how they did it...now I know. It seems my curiosity to know how things work never takes a break.

The hymn I posted on my "Coping" post, Heavenly Love Abiding, was the hymn we sang at the service. Well...I didn't sing. It was too hard so I just cried. I just let it all out...everything that I hadn't cried...I just let it go. That song meant more to me today. It is the song that I heard on the player on the first day I saw Ruthie when she first got sick. She was so aggitated and I heard that song and I told her to listen and take deep breaths...she listened and calmed down. The song has more history than that...when I was in high school my aunt, Maryann, called and read me part of the hymn after a particulary bad breakup. The hymn just means so much...and today it helped me say goodbye.

I still am sad. I still have things to let go of...but life will continue and in time it will be easy...just like it gets easy after all the others...but I do feel better. I let a big part of the hurt out today...I feel better.

You know...she sometimes frustrated me...she sometimes frustrated most of us...but no matter what she was important in my life. I saw her almost every day of my life. She was a big part of everything we did. I will miss her...but she is in such a great place now...and I try to keep that in mind.